literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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