come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
