I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
