No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
