just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
