I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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