TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
