I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My ass is underappreciated
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize