I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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