respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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