my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize
