dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
