sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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