somebody snuck up and got me drunk
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
