If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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