even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
