great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
