so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
