She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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