i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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