Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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