Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
