Four minutes until I can fart!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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