just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
