Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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