need another drink. this is the easiest way
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
