Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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