Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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