hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you inspire me to be a worse person
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
