You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
people are starting to question the shark bite story
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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