Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
