my room smells like sperm. sweet.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
