he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
