i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
