and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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