Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
