somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
