That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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