I wish I could punch you in the face.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
