You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
