Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
