Someone shit on the floor
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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