I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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