I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need a beard to bite.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
