ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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