all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
