Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
