wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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