I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Is Oprah even human
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
