nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
