it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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