You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
