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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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