Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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