I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
smell my finger.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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