the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
