Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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