its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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