Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
