I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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