If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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