went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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