Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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