you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
