This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
