I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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