Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
