upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
