Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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