I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
