I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
