You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
